Top Dollar News

KEEP YOUR HAIR ON, DONALD! TRUMP DEFENDS COMB-OVER

Posted in Business, Fashion, property, Top Dollar News by Jim McMillan on July 31, 2008

Billionaire property tycoon Donald Trump can boast some impressive constructions but the most talked about one sits on top of his noggin. For years The Donald has dodged impertinent questions but finally he has spoken out about the follicle fashion accessory the New York Times once described as “an elaborate structure best left to an architecture critic”.

Challenged by a Sunday Telegraph journalist, Trump gave his coiffured comb-over a good hard tug to prove it wasn’t actually a wig. “People always comment on it, but it’s not that bad and it’s mine,” Trump said defiantly. “I had an article somewhere saying it was a hairpiece, but you can see it isn’t. I mean, I get killed on it. ”

We thought it was a squirrel that had actually been killed.

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FATZ DELI! MEG RYAN AS WE’VE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE

Posted in Fashion, movies, Top Dollar News by Jim McMillan on July 27, 2008

THIS is actress Meg Ryan as her fans hope never to see her – 140lb heavier and slobbing in the street, feeding on junk food. Don’t worry though – it’s just a scene from her new movie, “My Mom’s Hot Boyfriend.” Meg, 46, is best known for her other famous eating scene in When Harry Met Sally in which she faked a screaming orgasm while munching on a sandwich at Katz Deli. This time though, we won’t have “what she’s having.”

While Meg hasn’t quite hit skid row yet in real life, she has suffered a string of flop films – and this one is apparently also going straight to DVD. As gossip site Defamer cruelly says, “To say that Meg’s career is in a free-fall would be to imply that her career hasn’t already hit rock bottom.

“She becomes the latest in a long string of actresses to strap herself into a fat suit, only to magically “slim down” to win the heart of a handsome man — a trick which stopped being funny the second time that the Friends gang went to that well.”

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MERRY CHRISTMAS, WALL STREET: HERE’S YOUR PAY CUT

Posted in Bankers, How much???, Top Dollar News by Jim McMillan on July 27, 2008

Wall Street bankers will have to tighten their belts this Christmas – or at least pull up those silly suspenders they all wear. A review of the latest statements from the Big Apple’s largest financial companies shows that pay and benefits are going to be slashed.

The money men are all right for now but they will get hit in the pocket when it comes to handing out the end of year bonuses, with a $10 billion slashing anticipated. In total, the city men will have received $18 billion less than they did the previous year.

The New York Times laments, “A decline in bonuses of that magnitude would easily eclipse the drop of 2001, the year of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, when total bonuses declined by $6.5 billion.” It’s all very sad, sniff, sniff. Mind you, they get paid too much anyway so no one else will really be complaining …except their wives.

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YOU CAN’T FIRE ME, I’M QUITTING

Posted in Celebutards, How much???, Top Dollar News, Twits by Jim McMillan on July 26, 2008

Working as a publicist for $50 million girl Heather Mills must be a challenging job. But Michele Elyzabeth apparently finds it a little too challenging and has handed in her notice after four long years. The last straw, she says, was when Paul McCartney‘s ex-wife called her “stupid.”

“I refuse to be subjected to her outbursts,” bleated Elyzabeth to US tabloid TV show, Extra. “On reflection and given the way I have been treated, I now have sympathy with much of what the British press has reported about her. Yesterday, we engaged in a heated argument during which she called me “stupid.” I reminded her that she was not “God” and she answered, “I will never ever talk to you again.”

While we admire Michele’s principled stand, you can’t help wondering how she would have carried out her job successfully in the future if Heather was never going to talk to her again.

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HAPPY HOOKER MAKES MONEY IN AMSTERDAM…BUT SHE’S GIVEN UP THE DAY JOB

Posted in Top Dollar News by Jim McMillan on July 26, 2008

She was once dubbed “The Happy Hooker,” after writing a bestselling book about her successful life as a high-flying madam in New York. So it may be surprising to learn that when Xaviera Hollander moved back to Amsterdam – home of the infamous Red Light Area – she decided the ‘oldest profession’ was no longer for her.

Guests coming to her bed and breakfast hotel hoping for a bit of Eliot Spitzer-inspired hanky-panky will be sorely disappointed. Although, as Hollander tells The London Times, “I’m 65 and my boobs are hanging.” Things could be worse though for Xaviera, who was deported from New York after her book hit the shelves. “I’ve just married this man 10 years younger than me so I’m having a great time.”